Insane asylum

Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" 
Another one said, "How do you know?" 
The first inmate said, "God told me!" 
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!" 
疯人院 
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！" 

Improvement 
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?" 
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me." 
进步 
一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样？” 
“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。” 

Half or Five Tenths? 
Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths? 
Gerald: I'd much rather have the half. 
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why. 
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths. 
半个还是十分之五 
老师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是十分之五个柑橘？ 
杰拉得：我宁可要半个。 
老师：仔细想想，说出理由来。 
杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多了。 

The Reason of Being Late 
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning? 
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'. 
迟到的原因 
老 师：约翰尼，为什么你每天早晨都迟到？ 
约翰尼：每当我经过学校附近的拐角处，就见路牌上写着‘学校－缓行’。